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 a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before

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fatalitywolf
Lord of Wolves
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Number of posts : 164
Age : 24

PostSubject: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:14 pm

The wolf and the dragon
by Ellis Williams aka fatalitywolf

Ah dragon why thou full of hate.
Is thou full of hate because.
Those humans attack you.
I and you fair dragon.
Have the same fate.
We are both hunted.
By them humans.
they killed all
of the wolves
of this kingdom
why you might ask
out of fear they are more scared
of us then anything in the world
why you might ask because
they do not hold power
like we do
they can not keep peace
ever day the kill more and more
of the world so they might become powerful
but now my fair dragon we will show them
power, might, and fear we hold with distaste
we the fair creatures of myth will put them
in there place.
What am I you may ask
I am a lycan, a werewolf, a shapeshifter.



Howling at the moon
by ellis williams aka fatalitywolf

High in the sky
Watching down upon
Thou world with
A big stupid
Grin on his face
Was the moon
A passing
Wolf looked up
And yelled
With all its might
How can you smile?
Like you do every night
Knowing what happens
In thou world.
But since the moon
Did not understand
Wolf talk
All he heard was
A long big howl.


Every day
by ellis williams aka fatalitywolf

Oh thou wolf
What is it like?
To be able to
Live every day
On its own
Being able to forget
All that is unimportant
To your survival
When we have to remember
Are past mistakes
That is a gift no one like me
Can claim we have to remember
We have to remember are wars
Which you donít have
We have to remember those
We have killed unlike you
You are truly lucky
I wish we were like u.
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PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Mon Aug 24, 2009 10:41 pm

They have potential, but the grammar subtracts greatly from them.
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fatalitywolf
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Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:29 am

what wrong with the grammer then trigger
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PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Tue Aug 25, 2009 5:41 am

are =/= our.

That's the main one I saw.
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PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:00 pm

The most annoying grammatical mistakes were the frequent misuses of old English, like thine and thou.

Other than that, you also see words that have been replaced with incorrect homophones. The poems are also riddled with an abundance of incorrect sentence structure, typos, and incorrect punctuation.

Not that I'm trying to dissuade you from writing or anything. In fact, you should try to write more so as to get over your grammar issues.

In order to add some constructiveness to my criticism, I'll quote your poems and fix their mistakes later.
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fatalitywolf
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Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Fri Jan 22, 2010 12:50 pm

grammer nazi
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fatalitywolf
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Number of posts : 164
Age : 24

PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:37 pm

hmm i sould really write some mor3 eh
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Peng
Spider Wizard
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PostSubject: Re: a collection of propper poems by me not word rymes like i was doing before   Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:38 am

fatalitywolf wrote:
grammer nazi

*Grammar

...eheh
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